


Heartache

by Augustine94



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Last of The Jedi Series - Jude Watson
Genre: FerusRoanWeek, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-26 07:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20926313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Augustine94/pseuds/Augustine94
Summary: Missing moments from Ferus and Roan being reunited at the end of The Last of the Jedi: Dark Warning. Written for the Ferus/Roan week hosted by LegendsLiveOn on Tumblr.





	Heartache

Spotting Ferus moving towards him in the crowd made Roan's heart leap with joy, even under these circumstances. As he moved closer however, some of that joy turned to fear. Ferus looked terrible. Roan knew he didn't look great either. He was still recovering from his time in Imperial prison, and it would be months before he was back to his full strength. It would be less time if Ferus was around, and that wasn't just absurd lovers talk.

His husband was back with the Jedi now, but even before that the Force had never truly left him. There were a thousand tiny things about Ferus that just weren't in the range of capabilities of regular humans that Roan didn't think Ferus had ever noticed about himself. He supposed if you grew up with a Temple full of people with near-magical abilities, there were a lot of things you would take for granted. His husband had never lost his acrobatic agility even when he never used it enough for any normal human to be able to keep it up. His intuition was never wrong, and he had an uncanny ability to tell when someone wasn't telling him the whole truth.

And he rarely got sick. Roan did, and when he was sick, being around his husband improved his health by suspicious amounts. Early in their marriage, Roan had once caught a nasty flu while Ferus was away on a trip to the next major city outside of Ussa for their shared business. The first night he was back, Ferus refused to heed Roan's warnings that he would infect him too, and held him all night long as they slept. Roan awoke the next morning to amazing improvement in his health. Ferus said nothing at all about it, leaving Roan to wonder if this was something that was entirely a subconscious action from his husband. He never asked because the one topic he stepped carefully around his husband on was Jedi business. In the years they had been together, prolonged physical contact with Ferus when Roan was sick or injured always sped up his recovery in a manner he couldn't explain any other way. He had grown accustomed to it, and was suffering now having to recover slowly like everyone else.

From the message and request he had received from Ferus, Roan wasn't banking on getting to spend this night snuggled up next to his husband receiving whatever latent effects of the Force that apparently just leaked out of him. He didn't think Ferus would be spending much time here at all on Bellassa before running off again with this Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Roan didn’t hate Obi-Wan, who had dropped so suddenly into their lives. He couldn't. Obi-Wan had rescued him from that miserable hospital, and then proceeded to break into an Imperial Base to discover just what he had been poisoned with. Obi-Wan had saved his life twice over, and then went immediately to go and help Ferus.

But -

There was no mistake that it was Obi-Wan taking his husband away from him now. It was for a cause that the two of them had already been fighting for, it was the cause that he had been captured for. And it didn't seem like Obi-Wan harbored any ill will towards him, or his relationship with Ferus, despite the restrictions Roan knew that there were on Jedi and attachments. He'd had to figuratively hold Ferus's hand working out that whole mess before he was able to physically do so.

It would be easier if he could hate Obi-Wan. It would be easier if he could have any rational reason to ask Ferus to stay. But there wasn't one, other than that his heart ached without his husband. Ferus was special, and his skills were needed in the fight that went beyond Bellassa. Ferus hadn't asked Roan to come with him. Roan wondered if that was because he knew it would be a terrible choice between his husband or his homeworld and his entire family, sans Ferus, who lived there. A worse alternative could be that this was simply a Jedi mission and Ferus thought it would be too dangerous, or that Roan just couldn't keep up. Or maybe it was Obi-Wan who thought that. Or maybe the guilt that Ferus had once felt about having attachments in the first place had resurfaced, and he didn't want Roan around Obi-Wan. It was hard for these latter options not to sting.

They exchanged words, and forced jokes. Roan helped Ferus load everything he had requested onto the ship. His throat felt raw, knowing that they would have to part soon. Ferus noticed Roan's pain, and Roan saw the same pain in his eyes. He pulled Roan into a quiet alcove of the ship, kissed him fiercely, then kissed him softly. They stood there for a moment, holding each other in silence.

“You know I’m not picking the Jedi over you, I know that’s what it must feel like, but I’m not. My heart is still with you, and it always will be.”

“I know,” Roan whispered, grateful for the confirmation.

Ferus touched his forehead to Roan’s and closed his eyes.

“I just wanted to grow old with you. Live a good life, but a peaceful one. Get Trever off the street. Maybe adopt a couple of other kids too. I wish-”

“I know,” Roan said again, and kissed Ferus gently. “Please, just come home to me when you’re done.”

“We’ll never have that though, the Empire-”

“Stop,” Roan didn’t want to hear it. “Just tell me that I’ll see you again.”

Ferus took a deep breath. “You will,” he promised.

“Good.”

“I’m worried about you too you know,” Ferus said, “Bellassa is going to be dangerous as well. Please be safe. I can’t imagine what I would do without you.” He paused, swallowed. “Obi-Wan is coming. He’s going to want us to leave.”

They both leaned forward for a final kiss. Ferus stayed a moment longer, pressing his face in Roan’s hair.

“Love you, partner.”

“Love you, partner.”

Ferus put a kiss on Roan’s forehead and stepped back. They were still holding hands when Obi-Wan came around the corner.

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan said, and he did actually sound apologetic, “but we do need to get going.”

Roan nodded, and looked from Ferus to Obi-Wan.

“You watch out for him,” he told Obi-Wan, feeling bold.

Obi-Wan bowed his head in acknowledgment, and Roan decided that was the best he was going to get. He gave Ferus’s hands a final squeeze.

“Goodbye Roan,” Ferus’s voice almost broke over the vowels in Roan’s name.

“Goodbye,” he replied, “May the Force be with you, both of you.”

Roan walked down the ramp, forcing his knees not to shake, and watched the ship take off and disappear from view.

“Be safe,” he whispered, and turned away.

**Author's Note:**

> While writing this I got Mr. Pond by Chameleon Circuit stuck in my head, and I think Roan and Rory deserve to go out for a drink and commiserate about their spouses running off with some guy from their childhood and risking their lives to save the galaxy/universe.
> 
> I know I'm playing with a ??? area in canon about how exactly a Force Sensitive who is not actively using the Force is still affected by it. My opinion is that it would be impossible to cut off from it completely, and a lot of the passive effects would remain, probably without the user even recognizing it. It's kind of hard to pin down "proof" one way or another. It's mostly just my personal opinion. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Ferus seems to pick up using the Force again really quickly in the LotJ books, which makes me question if he really was successful in pushing it away as much as he thought he did.


End file.
